Silence hurts.
This is one of the most profound messages conveyed Saturday at the official launch of the local YWCA’s "In Her Shoes" exhibition Saturday, a graphic look at what domestic violence wreaks in the community.
Violence impacts women and girls from diverse backgrounds, and, too often, women choose to suffer in silence, the exhibit’s organizers said. All too often the subject is left on the back burner or avoided entirely, not only by the victim, but by other who are aware of a bad situation.
"Continued violence against women and girls and their families affects all of us," said Donnalie Edwards-Cabey, president of the local YWCA board of directors "Silence about this epidemic in our Virgin Islands community hurts all of us."
Cabey, an activist for women and girls in the community, embraced the new exhibit as a "powerful and emotionally engaging experience." It was all that and more. The exhibit at St. Andrew’s Parish Hall featured the shoes, all colors and sizes, from spike heels to beat up sneakers, to depict women’s experience. The little children’s shoes are a ready heartbreaker.
While the exhibit is a project of the World YWCA, Cabey said the YWCA partnered with the Family Resource Center and the World Christian Ministries Sister to Sister program in developing the local program.
The FRC offers a safe haven on St. Thomas for battered women. FRC representative Ledia Perez spoke of some of the battered women the shelter has taken in. Their stories, though chilling, follow a pattern experienced nationwide.
Of all the stories, perhaps none was more moving than that quoted from six-year-old Aaliyah: "I have been watching my mom and dad fight, yell and scream at each other since I was very young. I love both my parents and it hurts me to listen to them. I cry, put my hand over my ears and hope for it to stop. I just want them to love each other like I love them."
Women stay with an abuser, out of fear, hoping it will go away, that after apologies, next time will be better, in the desperate hope that the abuser will change, Perez said.
Perez had some pointed advice for the community at large.
"Many people know of someone in an abusive relationship," she said. "What to do? ‘It’s not my problem,’ isn’t an acceptable answer."
"Take a stand. Do your part," she challenged. "What you can do is anonymously call the police, and you can be a friend to the person being abused. Don’t be critical, just let her know you will be there for her."
She spoke of one woman who had been in the shelter for several months.
"We were out at function awaiting the speaker," she said, "and I said ‘here he comes,’ and the woman literally jumped and started to leave. These are experiences that maim psychologically as well as physically."
Marilyn Braithwaite–Hall delivered some sobering statistics from UVI’s Caribbean Exploratory Research Center’s "USVI Intimate Partner Violence Project," a first in the territory.
The exhaustive study compared statistics from 1,579 Virgin Island women with a like number from Baltimore, Md., selected from a population that had come for a checkup at Department of Health clinics. It compared single women with partners, married women and divorced.
The study showed 40 percent of V. I. women had experience domestic violence, compared with 37 percent in Baltimore. Single women with partners reported the highest incidence of domestic violence in the V.I.
"Why is it so high?" Braithwaite-Hall asked. "Is it our culture?"
Braithwaite-Hall noted that education isn’t always a factor.
"Education doesn’t keep necessarily keep you immune," she said. "Educated women frequently don’t speak up out of shame. They may have gone through years of psychological or physical violence with their partner, but they can’t face the shame of admitting it."
Rev. Merle Malone of the St. John Methodist Church addressed her remarks to the teenagers in the audience.
"I look at the youngsters, and I see the boys making familiar gestures to the girls at school. Don’t let anyone intimidate you," she cautioned. "Look in the mirror. Know you are special."
Cabey said the exhibit is mobile, and can be requested at usviywca@gmail.com.
