In his biweekly column, Langley Shazor speaks to issues important to men within the territory.
I’ve watched men (and participated) chase just about everything. We’ll chase women, sex, money, status, and validation from people we don’t even like, as if our lives depend on it. Some of us will work ourselves to exhaustion for a career title. Others throw money at the newest car, the freshest shoes, or the best bottle in the club just to feel seen. We’ll travel miles, spend thousands, and burn ourselves out trying to impress, provide, and prove. We pursue with precision. With passion. With purpose.
But peace? Rarely.
The same man who’ll spend his last on bottle service won’t spend thirty minutes in silence. The man who’ll jump through hoops to impress a crowd won’t make space to sit with his own thoughts. The one who works 60-hour weeks to “provide” will often avoid any effort to process, heal, or breathe. We seem to have an aversion to stillness and peacefulness. Peace of mind. Peace of heart. The kind of peace that lets a man rest easy, not just sleep but actually rest. It’s the one thing we all need and the one thing many of us avoid chasing.
This isn’t about judgment; it’s about calling out what I’ve lived and what I see every day, not pointing fingers from some mountaintop. I’ve chased things that looked good on paper but emptied me out inside. I achieved things, titles, roles, and “greatness” I thought I wanted, not only to have sacrificed many more important aspects of my life but to realize after I lost it all that it was a false goal. I’ve ignored my own inner turmoil because there was always something else to do, something else to win, fix, conquer, or hide behind. I was performing successfully while neglecting my soul. And it doesn’t work. It never does.
We chase what we think gives us value. We chase what people celebrate. But chasing peace? That doesn’t get much applause. There’s no crowd cheering for the man who turns off his phone to be present with his thoughts. No one claps when you say no to the toxic relationship or walk away from the money that’s costing you your sanity. Peace isn’t flashy, but it’s essential. And if we don’t learn how to chase it with the same focus and fire that we give to everything else, we’ll keep finding ourselves successful but miserable. Surrounded but alone. Strong on the outside and torn up inside.
Society has not done us any favors either. For centuries, especially for the Black man, nothing has ever held any value except what function we serve. What can we do for the significant other, the family, the job, etc? We are evaluated and valued only by our accolades, achievements, and accomplishments. We are seen as doers only, not as human beings, let alone people. Men traditionally have never been allowed or given a space to explore and accept peace. We are meant for war, and war is all we have known, internally and externally.
Peace isn’t passive. It’s not something that just shows up after you’ve checked off all the boxes. You don’t stumble across it after a bad breakup or job loss. Peace takes work. It takes real effort to be still in a world that rewards movement. It takes courage to confront your past, your trauma, your triggers. It takes discipline to say, “I’m going to guard my mind the same way I guard my grind.” And for many of us, that’s unfamiliar territory. We weren’t taught to sit with our feelings. We were taught to keep pushing, to tough it out, to outwork the pain instead of dealing with it. But that avoidance comes with a price. And if we’re not careful, we’ll pass that bill on to our kids, our partners, and the people we love most.
I’ve learned that peace requires boundaries. It means protecting your energy, choosing your company wisely, and creating space for your healing. Sometimes it means turning down opportunities that look good but don’t feel right. Sometimes it means disappointing people who’ve gotten too used to your availability. And sometimes, it just means being still long enough to hear your own thoughts. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom. That’s strength. That’s what being a whole man looks like.
We need to stop waiting for peace to just happen. We must be intentional. Just like we plan our workouts, our goals, our finances, we need to plan for peace. That might look like unplugging for an hour a day. It might be prayer or therapy or journaling or walking or talking to someone who truly sees you. I talk extensively about all the tools I employ to create balance and peace. You will have to dig in and do some research and trial and error. I can provide a framework and suggestions, but it will ultimately be unique to you. Whatever it is, we’ve got to stop acting like peace is optional. It’s not a luxury; it’s a necessity. Without it, all that chasing we do is just running in circles.
So, here’s what I’m saying: chase peace like your life depends on it — because in many ways, it does. I’m challenging you the same way I’ve challenged myself: Chase peace. Prioritize it. Invest in it. Make your peace just as important as your paycheck. Make your healing just as important as your hustle. And when you find it, protect it with everything you’ve got.
Start with five minutes of silence in the morning. Take a walk without your phone. Talk to someone you trust, not to fix you, but to hold space for you. Ask yourself how you really feel, not how you’re expected to feel. Practice being still. Practice being honest. Practice saying, “I’m not okay, but I’m working on it.” Remember that not having capacity for someone or something is also ok and saying “no” is not a reflection of your interest in them, but the intentionality of your preservation of you.
Because when men chase peace, we build legacy, not just lifestyle. We build lives that are sustainable, meaningful, and whole. More importantly, we show our sons and other young men how to do this also.
And that’s the real flex. That’s the real win.
Langley “Casual-Word” Shazor is a poet, author, publisher, entrepreneur, public speaking coach, podcast host, and pastor who is an advocate for youth and men. His goal is to enlighten, empower, and liberate those who are silenced, marginalized, and enslaved to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. Visit thecasualword.com.
Editor’s Note: Opinion articles do not represent the views of the Virgin Islands Source newsroom and are the sole expressed opinion of the writer. Submissions can be made to visource@gmail.com.
