In his biweekly column, Langley Shazor speaks to issues important to men within the territory.
Where are you getting your advice from? Have you evaluated your circle yet? Have you sat back and watched the people you have been influenced by? What does your sphere accomplish collectively? What are your goals personally and what are theirs? Do you all discuss dreams and aspirations or people? Are you taking advice from people on social media who can’t manage their own situations? We can keep going, but I think you get the point.
We do not have all the answers, but the answers are available. One caveat to this is verifying the sources. People are quick to volunteer their opinions but slow to implement personal development strategies. We have heard the adage, “taking your own advice,” and this is something we all must become better at. I pin the question as the subject because if you are going to inject your perspective into my situation, you had better be able to show evidence that your advice is sound.
We have talked extensively about internal work, alignment, self-reflection, introspection, and positive activities. Where we haven’t spent a great deal of focus is on our circles. I have often said that your old circle and your new circle cannot coexist. The more people I work with and the more changes that happen in my life, the more I realize how accurate that statement is. This is an area where we must commit ourselves to giving intense focus. The Word asks, “How can two walk together unless they are in agreement?” We have also heard that “birds of a feather flock together” and “guilty by association.” No matter how you want to categorize it, the individuals you have around you are a critical part of your journey.
Displaced loyalty can blind us to the fact that some people are no longer good to us or for us. Furthermore, if someone constantly reminds you of what they have done for you or brings up old memories of you when you were a different person, they are attempting to keep you where they want you and guilt you into remaining loyal to them rather than to yourself and your elevation. We have all had or currently have people in our sphere of influence who are only happy for you until you begin to move beyond what they believe is your rightful place, which is often beneath them. Ascension will reveal all the anchors in your life. We often don’t know the changes are there until we begin to move. My good friend Chesco often says, “go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated”. I would add to that to make sure you go where you are elevated as well. Your people should be pushing you to be better, not ridiculing you for no longer wanting to remain stagnant. Those who want to see the best version of you come forth will also hold you accountable when you misstep, guiding you in love but making sure you know that “you know better” so you can do better.
Everyone is on our path, in our life, and walking the journey for a reason. The duration of that interaction depends on whether you are growing together or apart. This is for all relationships because it is always the ones closest to us that present the greatest threat to our transformation. I think often of that old saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” or “With friends like you, who needs enemies.” In my life, I have found that if you must keep enemies close, you are in the wrong camp and that the same would be true if you had friends who are saboteurs (secret enemies). Although there is a spiritual battle always waging, and you are trying to find both your footing and your direction, unless you are also a manipulator, there is no reason to keep either in your space. What we need are the righteous (non-spiritual context) and the supportive in our circle. Anything less is a cage.
This includes your own thoughts. You all have heard me speak extensively about self-talk, affirmations, and introspection. Both scientific and religious books refer to the concept of taking your thoughts captive. This simply means that you redirect negative, disparaging, self-deprecating words and ideas to keep them from manifesting. This can have catastrophic consequences to your journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. Not keeping yourself in the proper frame of mind allows all the external powers to maintain their control over your decision-making. Depression or even feeling down on yourself will keep you places that are inhibiting your growth because you need in your effort to fill the voids, you cling to things and people that are familiar and convenient. They may not always have your best interest in mind, but you won’t be able to delineate the good from the bad because you’re distracted. Take ownership of who you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you want to do to change aspects and areas.
Do not let people inject their mediocrity, doubts, fears, negative opinions, or condescension into your reality and future. Some folks just want to be heard (often for themselves), whether they are actually saying anything of value or not. It is up to you to determine if who they are and what they say is going to bring value or destruction. If you find that your circle needs to change, you will have to make some tough decisions, followed by action to see that change through. It won’t always be easy, but it will always be worth it. Anything not meant for your future is not a loss. It’s an opening for what should be.
Langley “Casual-Word” Shazor is a poet, author, publisher, entrepreneur, public speaking coach, podcast host, and pastor who is an advocate for youth and men. His goal is to enlighten, empower, and liberate those who are silenced, marginalized, and enslaved to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.
Visit thecasualword.com.
Editor’s Note: Opinion articles do not represent the views of the Virgin Islands Source newsroom and are the sole expressed opinion of the writer. Submissions can be made to visource@gmail.com.
