In his bi-weekly column, Langley Shazor speaks to issues important to men within the territory.
I just turned 40 this year. Between addiction leading to overdoses and laced substances, and suicide, many of my friends are no longer here. I went through a substance abuse phase that I mentioned in my book “40 Days and Nights: The Journey Through the Wilderness” but didn’t elaborate on. As I spoke there, I went through an extremely difficult time that was the catalyst for me relocating to these Virgin Islands. Employment struggles, divorce, COVID, homelessness, and very intense battles left me empty. To coin the phrase, “the struggle was real”.
I recently watched an interview with the singer Tyrese on The Breakfast Club. He has been a very vocal advocate for men’s mental health, regardless of the backlash and ridicule he has received. In this episode, he reminded us that women aren’t the only ones hurt in a divorce, not the only ones grieving when it doesn’t work out, not the only ones suffering from low self-esteem, and the list goes on. He mentioned something that has and still holds true, although I will say it is slowly changing; no one checks on the men.
As we have discussed, and why The Lounge exists, we have been conditioned to believe that our thoughts, emotions, perceptions, positions, grievances, and obstacles are irrelevant. We must remain stoic, emotionless, mute, muffled, muzzled, and miserable while continuing to produce, provide, protect, press forward. Not only have we been brainwashed, but society regurgitates, reiterates, and reinforces this belief very publicly. You see it on all social media, you hear it from women on and off platforms, you see it emulated from an entire generation of men who existed by this credo.
What many of us have not seen, heard, or discovered from that generation is all the hidden trials. Our predecessors hid that pain and frustration behind bottles, underneath women, inside gambling halls, and unfortunately, out in the streets with open violence. Because there is no value in vulnerability, we must always be on a quest for domination. We must be constantly attempting to conquer everything and everyone except ourselves. This is simply a recipe for disaster, as we grapple both with an increase in gun violence and suicide among our peers.
For the sake of this conversation, I want to focus on the suicide rate as we are talking about not suffering in silence. In an article published in 2023 by Front Public Health, the following was stated:
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) report that suicide is now the third leading cause of death for Black male adolescents and young adults. The crisis of suicide among Black Americans is inherently gendered, with Black boys and men accounting for the vast majority (81%) of completed suicides in this population (1). A recent study revealed that, in the past two decades, suicide attempts rose by 73% for Black adolescents (boy and girls), while injury by attempt increased by 122% for Black adolescent boys (2). Moreover, in this same time span, rates of suicide death among Black men increased by 25.3%, signaling a public health crisis for this population.
This is, indeed, a crisis that we are neither talking about nor taking seriously. However, we are bringing this to light today. Not enough of us are seeking help. Not enough of us are opening up. Not enough of us are being saved, because not enough of us are listening to the cries.
We know our friends and often our work colleagues well enough to know when something is off with them. Their demeanor changes, their speech changes, mannerisms, etc. They seem to lack enthusiasm for life, let alone the job. They begin isolating themselves, cutting off the world and withdrawing from society. Whether they just need a break, or something more treacherous is happening, we, and I’m talking about my brothers out here, need to check in. Go talk to that person, get them out of the house, or spend time with them at their house. But I implore you, do not brush it off. Lending your time and your ear can save someone’s life.
If you are struggling, regardless of the circumstances or choices, I beg you to explore every avenue for assistance. Call people you trust. Reach out to professionals. I am a huge advocate for therapy. The decision to seek a therapist was likely one of the pivotal ones that saved my life. For those of you who practice a faith system, contact your leaders or someone within that organization that you trust to speak with. If you don’t feel like you have options, you can contact me through social media or email at thecasualword@gmail.com. You do not have to go through anything alone. I can tell you from experience that it is almost impossible to do it by yourself. I am here today because of my wolfpack. Men that I can cry with, laugh with, sit in silence with, pray with, but most importantly, men that won’t judge me for anything but help me through everything.
Find a pack that will lift you when you don’t want to stand and carry you when you can’t carry yourself. People who take notice when you are not your usual self and inquire as to what is happening. People you can feel confident in being confidential with and let some of that weight off your chest and shoulders. A weight that has already taken too many of us too early. Let’s stop being statistics and start reclaiming our value.
Langley “Casual-Word” Shazor is a poet, author, publisher, entrepreneur, public speaking coach, podcast host, and pastor who is an advocate for youth and men. His goal is to enlighten, empower, and liberate those who are silenced, marginalized, and enslaved to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.
Visit thecasualword.com.
Editor’s Note: Opinion articles do not represent the views of the Virgin Islands Source newsroom and are the sole expressed opinion of the writer. Submissions can be made to visource@gmail.com.
References:
Adams LB, Thorpe RJ Jr. Achieving mental health equity in Black male suicide prevention. Front Public Health. 2023 Mar 30;11:1113222. doi: 10.3389/fpubh.2023.1113222. PMID: 37064715; PMCID: PMC10098101.
Resources:
1. Family Resource Center – St. Thomas, 2317 Commandant Gade, Charlotte Amalie, St Thomas 00802 – (340) 776-3966
- Methodist Training and Outreach Center – 11-A, Kronprindsens Gade – (340) 714-7782
- St. Thomas Recovery Team – 7 Kongens Gade, Charlotte Amalie, St Thomas 00802 – (340) 642-5442
- The Salvation Army – 1702 Kronprindsens Gade, Charlotte Amalie, St Thomas 00804 – (340) 776-0070
- Department of Human Services – 83WF+5CJ, Charlotte Amalie, St Thomas 00802 – (340) 774-0930
