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Why Do Men Batter?

March 4, 2009 – Why Do Men Batter?
There is no single answer to as complex a question as the one posed above. Men batter for reasons as numerous as the men themselves, but two reasons seem to emerge a majority of the time. Men batter to get and to keep power and control in their relationship. In other words, men who batter are not out of control, with a loss of temper. Rather, they use their battering to exert and prove their power over their partner and to control their partner "by any means necessary." They batter because they live in an environment in which this behavior is acceptable, and because they are not held accountable for their behavior.
Personal relationships are still considered "private," and kept out of the eyes of the public. A Batterer's public persona may be one of cordiality and charm. They may be well known and well respected within their communities. Once the doors to their home are secured, however, they feel that they have the right – by reason of inimitable male dominance and superior – to treat their partners and children as less than themselves. A history of slavery has added to a problem, which crosses all racial, economic and cultural lines. After all of the "battering" that Afro-American and Afro-Caribbean men received in the past, some among us believe that they have "suffered enough," and accountability is not high on their agenda.
The entire culture of America and the American Virgin Islands is based upon violence, as is, for far too many, the basis of masculinity. Masculinity is encased within the concepts of power and control. Men are "in charge," and women exhibiting similar characteristics are described with negative and masculine labels. Violent responses to problem solving are considered very real options on the male menu.
There are cultures in which battering is totally unacceptable. Mothers and neighbors stand outside the homes where battering or loud verbal abuse is heard and shout to their male child(ren), "We did not raise you this way. You are bringing shame to your family." Can you imagine what would happen if we tried that here? In (some) other cultures men are raised to see their partners as equals, and to treat them as such.
Some Batterers are diagnosed with obsessive – compulsive personalities. That means that they must have everything they do in a particular order e.g. wake at 6 a.m., leave for work at 7; wear their black shirt on Mondays, their yellow on Tuesdays, their white on Thursdays. Meals must be prompt, not five or ten minutes late. They must be in total control of as much of their environment as possible, or they lose control of their inner selves. Any deviation from their obsessive plan is met with increasing attempts to reinstate and maintain the strict order they require in order to function. These men may come increasingly dangerous as their need to control escalates.
Overall, I think it is fair to say that men batter because they can! We, as a Caribbean Society, have allowed our men and boys to believe there are few, if any, consequences to their abusive behavior.
Abuse is a learned behavior, taking place within a permissive culture. The women, children, animals, and, increasingly men, deserve better. They deserve a safe home in which they can share reciprocal loving and respectful relationships. For once, let's give our citizens what they deserve.

Editor's note: Iris Kern, Ph. D. is a special advisor to the attorney general and the commissioner of police.

Editor's note: We welcome and encourage readers to keep the dialogue going by responding to Source commentary. Letters should be e-mailed with name and place of residence to visource@gmail.com.

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