Dear Source:
Although I have no children, this Father's Day will be my best ever because I have finally made peace with the way some father's choose to interact with their families. My journey to this peace has not been an easy one, but I have reached my destination, now that my father is DEAD.
One may ask what Father's Day is all about. Father's Day and Mother's Day are both occasions to celebrate our parents; however, Father's Day does not get the same type of attention as Mother's Day does. This may have more to do with the perceptions we have of fathers as being more reserved and the parent that is less involved with the nuisances of raising their children. Mothers on the other hand are perceived as the person who takes care of the emotional health of her family so we celebrate her Day to reflect her more nurturing contribution.
The family dynamic continues to undergo other differences between Mother/Father roles as growing numbers of mothers have had to take on the role of head of household, and the role of father in growing number is now marginalized. At age two, I joined this statistic. My mother's role in the family changed from wife and mother to the tough reality of matriarch, and she became the single parent of two very young sons. I have not seen my father since he left us.
As Father's Day approaches, I would like to honor those mothers that have filled the role of both mother and father. I would like to honor and thank my mother who was both to me.
Sadly, while growing up, I did not have the privilege of my father attending my sporting events, or witnessing me earning Boy Scouts badges. He never celebrated a birthday, good report cards, or holiday with me. We never had those important father-son talks where he coached me on how to love a woman, how to be a man and father, or the hundred other things a father should pass on to his son. I spent a lot of time being angry at him and at my situation, but I am making peace with this also. To all of us who have grown up in mother headed households, on this father's day, let's celebrate our mothers who attended our games and celebrated our accomplishments, while they worried about how they could be fathers to us. Let's celebrate our grandfathers, older brothers, uncles, stepfathers, teachers, and others who loved us enough to stand in when needed.
I celebrate those courageous mothers' who chose not to raise their children in unhealthy households and who stepped out alone in faith to lead their families, may God bless you. Parents who remain together for the sake of their children often do more harm than good. For those fathers who needed to leave, but continue to father their children, I celebrate you on this Father's day.
"Have you taken time lately to thank God for these wonderful gifts you call your children? Or has life been so busy that you see them only as challenges, as mischiefs, as time eaters, as heavy responsibilities, or as head aches and problems?" Tim Hansel, What Kids Need Most in a Dad.
For those fathers who chose to leave their children, I encourage you on this Father's day to pick up the phone and call your son(s) and daughter(s). As one of those children who were left behind, I encourage you to speak the words that will let your child/children understand that you are sorry for leaving them. Skip the part where you may want to make excuses for leaving and go straight to the part where you say that you want to be with them— and do it! Men, keep in mind that making a child does not make you a father, only being a father to that child does. Work hard at the healing that must take place. Your work is not done. For those fathers who are thinking of leaving, get the help you need to stay in touch with your children. For those young men who engage in behavior that will make you a parent
before you are ready – stop! For all mothers who moved forward with the business of raising their children alone – Happy Father's Day.
Happy Father's Day, Mom for Steve and I understand what it took to parent us alone. We love you very much! Larry
Lawrence Boschulte
St. Thomas
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