Dear Coach Paradise,
I have just started dating a new man. I haven't known him very long, but I like him and am having a good time getting to know him. A while ago I made a list of all the qualities I am looking for in a mate / partner, so I pulled it out and checked out how this guy is doing, listwise. He has some, but is missing some, too. I wonder if I should hold out for a person with more list qualities, or continue to see what this new guy is really like. There's a lot of chemistry, but I've seen that go up in smoke, too, so I'm a little suspicious. My question is really, "Do you say yes, or hold out for the list?"
Confused about love,
Dear Confused,
Great question, and one to which I can certainly relate. Sounds like you have had the experience of getting involved with people where things didn't work out, and you're trying to pave the way with your intentions (your list) to attract a different kind of guy. This is all good. Getting clear and picturing what you're looking for is a great start to creating your reality. Keep the list. And then put it away.
Law of Attraction says that the universe has heard your request and is at this very moment making arrangements. How it is all going to come together is not your concern. All you need to do is stay in a good-feeling place and doors will open, people will call and new men will show up. It sounds like this has already happened and now you're freaking out — a little.
Remember, you are always a vibrational match for whoever shows up in your life.
You and new guy have been attracted to each other for some reason. If you can shift your focus from what may be or go wrong to the fact that he is in your life to contribute to your growth and success in relationships, there is nothing to fear. In fact, there is endless good stuff to enjoy and learn from.
Review your list and see which qualities are deal breakers and which are negotiable. If he's full of deal breakers, let him go or revise your list. If he has some negotiable qualities, thank the universe for stretching you and reminding you of what really matters. Acknowledge what you do like about him and what has drawn you two together. I do believe in love at first sight, but I also believe that there is something to be said for taking the time to get to know a person — and maybe even holding off on getting emotionally entangled (intimate) until you know that this is someone you want to be close to.
It's not the list versus the guy. The list is designed to attract people who will be good friends, lovers and partners. It's really a way for you to shine a light on yourself so that the light that you beam outward will draw the perfect people and experiences into your life — right here, right now. Saying yes to experiences is different than saying "I do." Trust your inner guidance and your open heart, and be curious about what the universe is offering. Whether it's your soulmate or a chance to get to learn more about the working of your own heart and love, it's all good.
To love and learning,
Coach Paradise
Editor's note: Coach Paradise (AKA Anne Nayer), Professional Life Coach, is a member of the International Coaching Federation, an MSW clinical social worker-psychotherapist and a medical case manager with 30 years experience working with people of all shapes, sizes and challenges. For further information about her services, call 774-4355, visit her website or email her.
